Greetings from my bed circa 5:55 am. I’m still recovering from days of brutal grief waves.
I had a dream last night where only a small section of myself was available online to connect.
And as I woke up I though, that’s okay.
See I’m one of those people who was born riiiiight before the internet began. I’ve had an online presence since the AOL chatroom days, and i believe that my life wouldn’t be the same without it.
I’ve met partners here, gotten jobs and houses. I’ve made deep friendships, even built businesses with people i’ve never met in the flesh.
I’ve studied here and taught here.
It is a territory that I walk.
And there’s dangers.
Sometimes I forget there’s people on the other side of the dark mirror.
I’ve been overly candid, giving away too much of my spirit into the void without care.
Like a hummingbird, I realize there’s a special nectar that’s gathered here. And like a hummingbird I love to return again and again every day for nourishment.
And also like a hummingbird, I’m territorial around other hummingbirds.
I often have gotten triggered when I’m copied or don’t get credited.
I’ve carved out a space in the great web of it all.
It’s a flower where others can come collect some nectar.
And no, I’m not gonna show you my butt anymore. Or vent about my relationship problems. It always weirded me out seeing people showing their period blood, or their personal altar.
There’s some aspects of this precious life that have nothing to do with the internet.
There are some flowers I visit for nectar that don’t need electricity to generate.
And those flowers I hold dear, away from the screen, so I can rest there.
My friend Ben and I share a totem of ‘Hummingbird Resting’ because we both tend to see hummingbirds while they’re taking a break from all the buzzing from tree to tree.
It’s such a special moment when a hummingbird rests. I suppose this is the energy for August 2023.
“ It’s okay to keep my life private. I don’t need to share everything on the internet to make it real. I know where my territory is, and this is where I offer and gather nectar. I know when it’s time to rest, even though I also know how to move quickly when needed. I am a hummingbird resting”