Sigh. My poor therapist. She’s really got her work cut out for her haha
Right now we’re working on a project for art therapy. It’s a pamphlet that explains who I am and what I value so that I can share with the next person who attempts to date me.
It will cover things like my hobbies, astrological signs and acronyms. (ADD, PTSD, PMS, etc.) It’ll talk about my past relationships, family, mental health, spirituality, goals and financials.
It will inform my future potential mates about my likes/dislikes, projects and goals.
That way before we even get to dinner and drinks , he’ll know who he’s dealing with!
There will also be an application process to date me which involves a series of important questions.
What is your current relationship with your mother?
How are you actively working on healing your childhood trauma?
What are your habits and addictions?
What do you associate with being ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’?
What do you associate with being a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’?
What is your relationship with money?
Are you living your soul purpose?
Do you want/have kids?
How do you feel about racism?
How do you feel about homophobia?
What is your spiritual practice?
How would you describe sacred sexuality?
Are you trauma informed?
What’s your diet like?
What is your relationship with medicine?
Are you vaccinated? Why/Why Not?
How do feel about monogamy, commitment and marriage?
What are your self care practices?
How do you tend to respond in a conflict?
How often do you spend time in nature?
Are you trained and/or interested in learning NVC and other compassionate communication skills?
Why are you interested in dating me?
Anyone who gets my sense of humor and is able to fill out the application at all is deemed way more attractive in my book!
But wait, there’s more.
Once the application has been reviewed and received an initial approval by me, I’m gonna need at least 1 character reference from on of your past partners before we can make it official.
You are welcome to also seek out my exes for references/confirmations.
And finally, if it’s starting to get serious, you’ll be screened by not only my family of origin (aka the Dept of Progenic Relations) but also by my Hip Hop crew, Kin of Merlin.
Of course, none of this is even on the table yet.
I’ve gotta make sure I can pass my own application process first haha. I am evolving to embody the characteristics i desire from an ideal partner.
But yeah. I’m working on it. Because I do wanna be partnered again one day.
If I had asked my ex these questions prior to dating him I never would have ended up with him.
If I had taken the time to vet him and get to know his perspective before jumping in bed with the guy, I probably wouldn’t have stayed attracted.
How you see the world matters. What you value matters. Knowing your needs, communicating them well, and anticipating the needs of others is sexy AF.
Grateful to my therapist for helping me see this more clearly. Grateful to my ex for being such a gnarly catalyst for this growth.
He helped me see how important it is to be partnered with someone who shares important values on gender, race, and social change.
He helped me learn what happens when you selfishly indulge in the comforts of partnership without putting in the real work of getting to know one another as people.
It's important to see that my future mate can practice self reflection, empathy, and commit to a shared purpose.
I can’t change how he thinks/acts, but I can change ME. I can choose to get my values straight, and stop dating homers without vetting them first to make sure they don’t harm me and the people I love.
For real tho!!!