In the Dreamtime I’m at a park with my partner and I keep wanting him to wear this heavy black rain jacket but he won’t. I feel myself nagging him, and as a result he’s getting more defensive.
As I awaken I ponder this dynamic of the Nagging Mom and the Rebel Son.
I can see in my dream how many men end up making self destructive choices for themselves simply out of defiance of their overbearing mothers.
I’ve observed how these boys grow up to be men who find it difficult to be held accountable or be criticized, because they don’t want to admit defeat against a tirelessly disapproving parental figure.
.
The Nagging Mom constantly criticizes her son. She tells them that if he’s not perfect, he’ll certainly end up alone. He’s always worried he’s gonna mess up around her. She disapproves of him constantly, and needs to always maintain the control of her surroundings.
The Rebel Son has had enough of his Nagging Mom’s shit.
Even though he acts self-destructively, he simultaneously cares very deeply about messing up.
He messes up on purpose because it helps him feel free. He also feels a false sense of power through controlling others, especially Women, since they reflect the Mother he can’t control.
He’s full of insecurities. He hears the voice of the Nagging Mom in his mind all the time. He second guesses what to wear, what to say, and what role to play in society.
I feel the energy of a mom licking her finger and wiping his cheek and then fixing his one hair out of place. And even though she’s being the Mama Lioness licking her cub across the face. Just cleaning him up, to him it’s humiliating.
He can clean his own face. Or maybe he wants to leave it dirty. Just let him be for a second.
Let him lead. Let him decide.
He wonders if he’s doing what he’s ‘supposed’ to, and lives in constant anxiety.
He wants to numb the pain of that insecurity. So he drinks, smokes, plays video games, and watches porn. The Rebel Son often finds himself terribly lonely behind the cold screen of the media he watches as he attempts to go unconscious to avoid his feelings.
Over time he becomes more and more depressed as he sits with his undealt with insecurities and Nagging Mother’s disapproval.
As a result, he goes seeking a female partner so he can feel the warmth of woman. But uh oh. Here’s the twist. In order to be with an empowered woman, he must surrender control!
This is something the Rebel Son just won’t do. So he finds a mate who’s a bit traumatized, wounded, weak willed, or needs support in a way that helps the Rebel Son feel strong, capable, and independent. Perfect.
This works to boost his confidence for awhile…
But alas, The Rebel Son soon finds out some very bad news.
Dum Dum Duuuuummmmmm…
There’s a Nagging Mom lurking inside his new partner as well!
Uh Oh! Turns out that she’s also interested in pointing out his flaws.
Even though she believes she’s giving the Rebel Son constructive criticism, she has no idea that in his mind she just shapeshifted into a monster! Now, she’s the very Nagging Mom he was attempting so desperately to avoid!!!
And so, the cycle continues, again and again, The Nagging Son becomes defensive, destructive, and mean simply to protect this original Motherwound.
(Dang, not to toot my own horn, but maybe I should become a clinical psychologist cuz this breakdown is deeeeep! I’m not a psychologist by the way. I’m an Oracle. But Oracular dreamwork is amazing, isn’t it? Thank You, Dreammaker! For real. And thanks, reader for witnessing the unpacking . Make sense? Lmk in the comments!)
Anyways, I wonder, when did this cycle of the Nagging Mom and Rebel Son begin?
Since when did the Nagging Mom become so stressed out that she feels the need to be this controlling? Since when did the Rebel Son become so hurt, that they no longer have the ability to listen to the Nagging Mom’s feedback and then take accountability?
Did it even start with us? And my conclusion is No. This pattern didn’t begin with us.
It began a long time ago. These ideas started with distorted beliefs passed down for generations about what it means to be Masculine or Feminine. What it means to be a Woman or a Man. What it means to be a Mother. What it means to be a Son. What it means to be Human, really.
Ideas passed down through the trauma of war, through organized religion, and through the loss of our indigenous cultures. In my opinion, these scars have caused us to lose trust in the divine relationship between Men and Women, and to be able to find regulation and calibration between the Feminine and Masculine, within and in our relationships. .
Basically, It’s a result of a spiritual war. And of the Burning Times.
Because there’s been hurt where then when we Women learn we can”’t trust Men when left to their own devices. Because there’s been times when we’ve all been suppressed, abused, and controlled by others who wish to oppress us.
There have been times when Fear has caused Seperation between families, lovers, communities, and even Nations. There was a time when our ancestors were torn from their homeland. They were indigenous. But they learned to be oppressive.They forgot how to be regulated. They forgot how to connect with Nature and One Another. They went unconscious to protect themselves and us from the pain.
But the patterns are surfacing now.
Because our cups are full and overflowing.
It’s time to release the old patterns and make way for acceptance and forgiveness.
It’s time to close the karmic loop.
I’m calling in the remembrance of our family joy.
I make a sincere wish in my heart that parents have all the time off they need to just be with their babies. To love and raise them at their own pace and with healthy community support.
It can be. It will be.
It makes so much sense. Nagging Moms wanna control what they can. Save what they can.
The Nagging Mom is squeezing the Rebel Son’s hand that tight because there’s a bus barreling down the street and her other arm is full of groceries. She hasn’t slept in weeks.
She needs help and support. A foot rub. A freaking break.
Not judgement. Not further worry. Or Unecessary Harm.
She only wants him to be well and happy. He’s the most important thing to her. She’d do just about anything to see him safe.
To know her life had this most important purpose of providing him some freedom.
She needs to let go of the death grip.
She needs to see how that affects him. And how that inevitably makes him feel insecure about himself. It makes him feel frustrated and leashed. Like he can’t be trusted. He really wants to trust himself, and to be trusted by her.
Because he’s so capable. And creative. And sensitive. And he just wants to explore.
All he wants is to just slide down a mountainside until he jumps into the air to grow wings and fly. He wants to mess up. He needs that rite of passage.
If he can trust his own intuition, he’ll be able to surrender to the feminine so much more.
If Moms teach their Sons to trust themselves, there will be more mutual respect.
If her gift to him for his rite into Manhood was- One book of matches, a knife, and the desert. 3 days and Good Luck, how would he grow and thrive? Maybe he’d realize how capable he is. Maybe if for a moment he could free himself from being under the boot of the military, church, and government,and could run wild, have some kind of Vision Quest.
He’d be reunited his true Mother, Mother Nature. Who would humble him. And teach him.
But he can’t right now. He has this heavy black jacket on that his mom makes him wear. And it makes him perfectly warm and dry but also feel bored and powerless.
As I explore this dream and the aspects of the Nagging Mother and the Rebel Son in my own psyche, I realize that I’m determined to undo that nagginess from my nervous system. And also to unwind the part of me that has a hard time being wrong.
I wanna know what it feels like to be in relationship where we ‘release control, and surrender to the flow of love that will heal us’. (In the immortal words of Beautiful Chorus)
To cultivate both empathy and accountability.
Anyways, yesterday while editing photos I started micromanaging my partner about how to organize it.
I felt my own Nagging Mother archetype start to surface. I saw his Rebel Son like
‘Hey,I don’t need a jacket right now, thanks.’
So I took a big breath with Dreamaker, said ‘Okay’ and left the room.
I trust him. He’s got this.
And the images are beautiful.
And I was wrong, he didn’t have to organize them like that.
Woooosh.
Doing the REAL work!
Embracing the Nagging Mother and the Rebel Son
Imagining in my dream that they find themselves finally leaving the park, the Son taking off his jacket and leading his mom on an adventure to the beach. I see them laughing in a convertible somewhere, blasting their favorite music, their hair flowing freely in the wind, the Son driving, the Mom’s hands raised towards the heavens in joy.
✨
Questions/Comments Welcomed!
