The Fool, Thurisaz, Poppy, And Perserverance
This eclipse period has been one of the most difficult times in my whole life, so I’m sorry If I haven’t been super present.
I’ve been too busy curled up in the fetal position in a salt bath crying my eyes out all week. lol
And yeah, I’m ‘okay’.
I mean, I think all the major pillars just shifted in my life again suddenly leaving me with very difficult decisions to make about my future.
All the while I’m wraught with grief from the past, but hey.
Could be worse.
At least I’m a freakin’ oracle and I know how to trust the synchronicities when they throw a monkey wrench in my well laid plans.
At least I have my Sacred Sessions to offer, which miraculously, provide everyone support and intuitive guidance for clear steps forward during times of transition.
At least I know where to start. With the next breath. And with the tools given by the ancestors to navigate stormy seas.
I pulled a tarot card for myself from mom’s old deck.
I got ‘The Fool’. Hahahaha. Zero, Opening one’s mind to the myriad of possibilites that lie ahead, yet eyes remaining fixed towards the heavens.
I know I won’t remain at zero long, though.
Cuz next comes One. The Magician. Sovereignty. Willpower. Having all the tools I need to empower myself and the world.
But first. Here being the Fool. Clearing. Acknowledging the relationships, projects, and patterns that are ready to be released and then dying to the old understandings of myself that were tied to them.
And while I’m super grateful for the chapter that’s been, and all the ways I’ve grown. I’m looking ahead now and asking myself the important questions.
In the immortal words of the Spice Girls, ‘Tell me what you want, what you really really want!’. And then even more importantly, pondering the wise words of a 3 year old. ‘WHY?”
Before I make my master plan to ascend and become the Magician, I’m taking a big breath in the liminal space between this chapter in my life and the next.
There really is so much space here.
I had a dream recently where I saw my friend leveling up her entire world. She was re-building her business, her home, and her love life. She was healing her body from years of trauma.
She’s been through so crazy much in her life here in waking life on Earth. Like me, she’s suffered abuse, gone through scary health problems, had financial desparity, and battled addiction.
And yet she still creates. She still shows up and offers her heartworks to the world. In fact she focuses all of her fire on it. You don’t even know how much love it takes to do that.
And I woke up and thought, yeah, that’s how I am.
I’m persistent as f*. I’m earnest AF. I make my dreams a reality, even when it seems impossible.
And no, I don’t wanna be scrappy all the time.
I really really want that dream of a comfortable life of beauty and with my king up in the cottage on the hill with our full fridge and little garden and our music and businesses and our happy little life.
But if it isn’t a life filled with acknowledgement, consent, and respect, I’d rather start from scratch again and again until my nervous system knows it’s right.
I pulled a rune for wisdom and it was Thurisaz, or Thorn.
Saying no. Having healthy boundaries. Creating clear distinctions between what is acceptable and what’s not.
If I had listened to the wisdom of this rune years ago, my life would look utterly different. But seva, we live and we learn.
My boundaries were wishwash because I feared being alone.
But now I know, boundaries are sacred af.
Because they carve room for the ‘F* YES’.
No more ‘meh’. No more wishwash. No more scrappy.
Empowered. Sovereign. Healthy. Grounded. YES.
Anyways, I’ve been on the path of figuring out my life since I first popped out of my mom. Since I first left my family’s home for school. Since I first ended up with no money and no plan. Since I first experienced major change and had to start from scratch.
And honestly, I don’t think it ever ends.
But we do get better at navigating through. Especially with the help of friends and allies. And especially, I’ve found ,with the help of a spiritual practice that includes active listening to the synchronous divine.
Oh, and listening to Ma Nature first and foremost. Cuz she’s always there to help within arms reach.
I’m eating California Poppy tincture everyday. It’s helping incredibly with the anxiety I feel that accompanies this new beginning.
It’s bright positive nature sets me at ease, and connects me to where I grew up in the rolling hills of the SF Bay Area.
I’m grateful to see the distant horizon from this vantage point, and all of the tablets of life uncarved to scribe upon.
May the future be covered in wildflowers, and a regulated heart.
For now, my pack is filled with tarot cards, runes, herbs, and a dream journal. I’m taking the steps to empower myself. I’m here to be living proof of the power of this work.
If you too are at a crossroads in life, and you want some help looking at the signposts, let’s do a session.
I’m here for all of it.
Will keep you posted.
Blessings on the Journey,